Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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