why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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