You're so nebulous sometimes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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