i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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