You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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