I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
