overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I enjoy the company of your penis
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
