I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
