You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
