i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
