Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls

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(702): View more from Nevada

She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.

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(914): View more from New York

He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

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(954): View more from Florida

Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children

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(817): View more from Texas

I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.

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(630): View more from Illinois

he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.

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