i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
