Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
