Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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