Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
