I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize