I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who died my cat blue again?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
