Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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