sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A+ Viking dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
