god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
