he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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