And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
