I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
