I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
