I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
