is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
