my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she looked like the before picture.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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