at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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