we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He shit in the fireplace
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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