you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
