2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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