The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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