i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
