On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
