whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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