too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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