I didn't shave. On purpose
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
