But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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