Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
