24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
