Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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