$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
