two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
