its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
