When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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