Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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