It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
