oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize