I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
