The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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