either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
