Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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