If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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