Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
