I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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