My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I touched a dick in church today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
