I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
