Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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(406): View more from Montana

stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it

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(952): View more from Minnesota

you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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(404): View more from Georgia

Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You had me at "let me see your balls"

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just got baptized.

(540): View more from Virginia

Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.

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