His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
