My hand turned me down
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
