this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
