i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
