dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
