so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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