i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
