the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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