...so i touched it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
