That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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