there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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