So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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